TL;DR: Clients do business with people they know, like, and trust. Show them you’re an inside without being cringe. 

Update: I’m on a quest to see if I can be a part-time farmer. This summer my wife and I are building out the farm. I spent the last few days hauling wagonloads of gravel and decomposed granite to create a flood-proof base for a new chicken coop. I started framing the coop last night. We now have 30 baby chicks, a mix of Rhode Island Reds, White Leghorns, and Silver-Laced Wyandottes. In a few weeks they’ll be twice as big, and I have to have their home ready for them. And still squeeze in the time to write copy for a real estate broker. I’ve postponed writing the book until this fall.

Feature: Which Illuminati Are You In?

“What the hell was that?” asked Paul.

A truck had just raced past the café where we sat on the sidewalk, sipping out drinks. It had made a screeching noise and belched a dark black cloud that raced towards us and passed us in a matter of seconds.

The smoke didn’t affect our eyes or our breathing. There was no dust and no smell of exhaust. The milk in my cappuccino was still a silky white shape at the top of the cup.

“I don’t know what that was about,” I said, “but I think we made our saving throw.”

Paul laughed. “I knew you played Dungeons and Dragons!”

I was trying to convince Paul to pay me to write a high-ticket, long-term email marketing campaign for his software company. The conversation grew a lot more friendly after my comment. In the end I became one of his go-to freelancers for many years.

A quick psychology lesson here. More than 30 years ago, Dr. Robert Cialdini enlisted dozens of graduate students to research the ways people are persuaded to do things.

His students conducted scores of experiments on their classmates and neighbors, from finding the best way to convince someone to let you jump ahead of them in a line to persuading homeowners to display huge, garish signs on their lawns.

They observed successful salespeople in action, uncovered the best pick-up tactics, and even infiltrated religious cults.

Cialdini compiled all of this research into a book called Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion. In this book he identifies six “pillars” of influence. One of the most important pillars is Liking.

Put simply, we’re easily persuaded to do things for people we like. In fact, you can get almost anything you want by simply getting more people to like you.

There are many ways of doing this, but the quickest and easiest one is to connect with someone through your similarities.

Now, you can’t just ask someone, “Do you like sports?” and expect them to open their heart, their wallet, or their pants.

But if you slip in an obscure reference to their favorite basketball team, throw in a signature quote from the coach or a chant that the fans always shout, their eyes will light up. You have something in common. You know the secret handshake.

A lot of sales and marketing professionals will “research” a potential client ahead of time to find interests they can exploit. I’m going to give you some resources to help you do this, but personally I find it too cringe to use this trick myself.

But here’s where your experiences come into play. All you have to do is insert “insider” references to your own interests. It’s like casting a line and seeing if they bite. If not, try a different one.

If I had told Paul, “I used to play Dungeons and Dragons” out of the blue with no context, he would have just thought I was weird. And not in a good way.

But by making a casual reference as if it were part of my daily thinking (which it is), I became a fellow geek and he wanted to do business with me.

This is an extension of the ubiquitous advice to “be yourself.” It doesn’t always work, but when it does, you’ll get powerful results.

What are a few things you can say that reveal who you are to those who are also in the know? Which Illuminati do you belong to? 

This edition of Bold Words was adapted from “Heroic Marketing,” which is a section of my upcoming book, Time, Money, and Confidence after 40: A Practical Guide for Bringing New Life to Unfulfilled Dreams. If you’re interested in getting an early copy plus some exclusive and awesome bonuses, get on the notification list here.

That wraps it up for now. If you have any questions or comments about this issue, hit the Reply button and tell me what’s on your mind. I may not answer you directly, but I read every one.

Always keep growing,

Jacob Bear